Getting broken to avoid self-centeredness

by Shawn Martin

"True strength does not come out of bravado. Until we are broken, our life will be self-centered, self-reliant; our strength will be our own. So long as you think you are really something in and of yourself, what will you need God for? I don’t trust a man who hasn’t suffered; I don’t let a man get close to me who hasn’t faced his wound. Think of the posers you know—are they the kind of man you would call at 2:00 A.M., when life is collapsing around you? Not me. I don’t want clichés; I want deep, soulful truth, and that only comes when a man has walked the road I’ve been talking about. As Frederick Buechner says,

To do for yourself the best that you have it in you to do—to grit your teeth and clench your fists in order to survive the world at its harshest and worst—is, by that very act, to be unable to let something be done for you and in you that is more wonderful still. The trouble with steeling yourself against the harshness of reality is that the same steel that secures your life against being destroyed secures your life also against being opened up and transformed. (The Sacred Journey)

Only when we enter our wound will we discover our true glory. As Robert Bly says, “Where a man’s wound is, that is where his genius will be.” There are two reasons for this. First, the wound was given in the place of your true strength, as an effort to take you out. Until you go there you are still posing, offering something more shallow and insubstantial. And therefore, second, it is out of your brokenness that you discover what you have to offer the community. The false self is never wholly false. Those gifts we’ve been using are often quite true about us, but we’ve used them to hide behind. We thought that the power of our life was in the golden bat, but the power is in us. When we begin to offer not merely our gifts but our true selves, that is when we become powerful." (Wild at Heart , 137–38)

And why do we hide? Fear, aboviously - on many fronts. of not having control. not having the answers. of not measuring up. of not being as talented as the next guy. of our own limitations. fear of not having what it takes. where have we heard that before? In his book, Desire, John says a man's deepest desires always relate to his strength, one way or another... no matter how much a man achieves it is never enough, everyone expects you to do it again and again. that's why a man's worst fear is not measuring up. i can identify with all of those fears, even moreso with the 'what if' fears. if IFs and BUTs were candy and nuts, we'd all have a Merry Christmas, right? i will 'what if' myself out of so many decisions. instead of trusting what God is able to do, i worry about what MIGHT happen. are some of you like that? it's sad really, that fear often replaces faith. faith knows no fear. faith is trust and trusting God with the outcome.

right now i have some simmering fear over the upcoming Boot Camp. It was a huge success last September. then we had to turn around and cancel the February camp due to too few registrations. now as were are 6 weeks out from the October camp the Enemy wants to use that fear again. you won't get enough guys. you'll need to cancel again. you'll look foolish. what kind of ministry if this anyway? you might as well quit. some of you may know a similar scenario. but God is good, i know that. this message is good, i believe in it. men need this message, i've seen it. so i resist the Devil and his lies. and i trust God with the results. i don't give into fear.

Search for the Glory

by Bob A Clifton

Raising children is interesting. For those of you that have children and jobs and wives, you know the complexity you experience in managing all of those and still finding sometime for yourself. As you have heard me talk about, transitioning to work has been a difficult process. Even when you change one good thing for another good thing, you still have a grieving process for giving up the good you had. Got all that good? As I sit here today I have a card pinned in front of me from my daughter. For church during Fathers Day the kids got to write cards to their fathers. My daughter simply wrote “We love you. You are the best. When you are at work I miss you.” Fantastic! Did you notice as she wrote those words the only thing she thinks about, at this point as a seven year old, is all of dad’s good qualities?

This reminds me of how our Father see’s us. He is always checking out our best qualities. Growing up, my life did not resemble someone always searching out my best qualities. Sparing you the details of the brokenness, my mother came from a home that was full of verbal abuse. When you grow up in an environment that is full of bad words, it is real hard to think of and express the good you see in other people. So for much of my childhood I have memories of my mom pointing out what was wrong with me. I still see some of this today. It is not that many people would view this as bad, but it is easy to see when you were a part of that for years.

Early on in my parenting I took note of the same expression that came from past generations. The expression of what was wrong with my daughter instead of what was right. I was fortunate enough to catch up with that early on and have been able to repent and correct that place in my heart. Just last week a wife told me that it feels so fake complimenting someone when all they have done is everyday stuff. When we get down to the details, if someone has not poured compliments into our life, we are going to have a hard time pouring life into someone else.

Dr. Larry Crabb’s latest book called Connecting brings this point home. Dr. Crabb brings attention to what we see in people. He says that western Christianity is so focused on finding the sin, exposing it, and then bringing accountability around it that it sometimes will miss the glory of someone. Crabb says “why do we so infrequently delight in one another? Its people who don’t know us well that often finds the most to appreciate in us.” I think we see people on television or someone across the street that seems to have the car, house, wife, and smile and we think what went wrong. How did people delight in you when you were younger? Is it easy for you delight in other people and express that to them?

Being delighted in is the main emotional task for a 0 to 3 year old. One of the ways that we develop is by being delighted in as infants. When we have a lot of eye to eye contact with our parents and see many smiles it makes us feel like our world is safe. When we do not have much face time with mom and dad or if our time is full of mad and sad faces we feel like our world is unsafe. Amazing that the age when we usually bear children is the same time we are working harder than ever and finding our place in the work market. With the increase in two parent incomes it can become a difficult task to delight in your children as much as you would like too.

Can I make a suggestion this week? Instead of finding the sin in people, just look for their glory. When you find their glory, let it be known what you see. This, I believe, was Jesus biggest strength in building community and relationships with others. He called out people’s glory and created ways for people to shine. Some of the best days of my life are surrounded with praise and affirmation from people I care about. I am reminded anymore when people compliment me of the work that Christ has done and is doing in my life. Find something to delight in this week!

We hold the key

I look forward to my church's 'Baptism Sunday'. We have two or three a year and it's quite a big deal. When each person rises out of the water the whole congregation jumps to their feet and cheers like we were watching the Chiefs actually win a game. It's a time for tears as you listen to each testimony.

The youngest one this morning looked barely old enough to read and his written testimony was only a few sentence long. It was short and to the point. Oh, the innocence and wonder of child-like faith. I sat there and watched the beaming faces of the parents who were standing near by. Their son did not come to faith by attending Sunday School for one hour a week. My bet is he received the bulk of his foundation elsewhere.

In the story of David and Goliath we read an interesting inquiry. Just prior to the fight King Saul approaches on of David's brothers and asks, "What sort of family does this young fellow come from?" (1 Samuel 17:55 TLB). Why do you think he asks that question? I have a theory.

In his book, The Most Important Place on Earth, Robert Wolgemuth says of raising godly children, "You get one shot at this homebuilding thing. Only one. And time is not on your side." The most important place on earth is a Christian home, according to Wolgemuth - and i would agree. Sadly, gone is the era of Little House on the Prairie or even Leave it to Beaver. Parents and kids just don't interact together anymore. We're too busy. Teens have minimal social skills because their friendships are largely driven by texting. Email, cell phones, and soccer have replaced family interaction.

A far cry from today's parent-child conversations about "God" is found in Deuternomy 6. "These commandment that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress then on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk on the road, when you lie down and when you get up...Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates." (v. 6-9)

There it is again.. the home. It all starts in the home. Saul asked about David's home. Personally I think we have amazing teachers in our Chidren's Ministry at church. But even the best can't effectively grow our kids' faith in the hour a week they have. The burden remains on us, as parents the remaining 6 days and 23 hours.

Many of us don't know what a Christian home looks like. I was raised in the church but i couldn't say my home was any different than the next. That is no disrespect to my mom who did her best to raise me on her own. Her childhood - at home - was worse. The chain has to be broken and it must start with us. You don't need all the answers, but simply the commitment to make a change and the humility to ask the Father for help. You can't do it without him anyway.

It's hard work guys. Nothing worth having is easy. Be intentional about every opportunity. It may only be 5 minutes at breakfast. It's a start. Don't eat in silence. Ask your kids questions. Enter their world. Eat dinner together. Talk about your day, ask them about theirs. Mention something that reminded you of God, or a situation you are needing guidance on (and that you prayed about it). Ask a child to say the dinner blessing. Spend a few minutes with them at bedtime. Find little ways to show your children that God is very real and part of your life every day. This is more difficult if you have older teens because they are now realizing they have all the answers and you are stupid - but that's another blog. The point is to just start. I want my kids to have a stronger faith than I by the time they leave the house. We only get one shot. "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6

Might As Well Win

by Bob A Clifton

I accepted the job. Then I told Lance something shocking. “I think we should focus on the Tour de France,” I said. “Okay,” said Lance. “Which stages? I can win a few stages.” “No,” I said. “I want to see you on the podium. I want to win the whole thing.” Lance said nothing for a moment. Years later he would tell me, “I thought it was far-fetched, but at that point I had nothing to lose.” “Look,” I said, “If we’re going to ride the Tour, we might as well win.” Finally, Lance said, “Sure. Okay, let’s do it. Let’s win the Tour de France.”

"We Might As Well Win" by Johan Bruyneel

Anyone who knows me at all knows that July is my favorite month of the year. Starting at the top of July and ending 20 plus days later is the greatest event the world has ever known. The Tour de France! For most of us in the states, and especially Kansas, cycling is not a big sport. So, this makes me an odd duck out and few friends to talk to about this fantastic sporting spectacle. Since I was a kid I followed the great bicycle race. I remember Greg LeMond winning the Tour in the mid 90’s. Then the greatest Spanish cyclist won the event five times in a row named Miguel Indurain. Then along came Lance Armstrong which turned the world of cycling upside down. Not only would he go on to win seven tours in a row, but he would do it after defeating cancer.

Knowing that for some people Lance Armstrong has become controversial in his execution of this many wins in a row, I tell this story with caution. The point that struck me in his manager’s book is this idea of the win. Johan makes the comment at the beginning of the book that if we are going to do this we might as well win. Probably not knowing who Johan Bruyneel is; just understand he is the one of the greatest cycling managers and tacticians that has ever been a part of cycling. He has authored how teams go about finding cyclist to fill their team roster and win big races. So when Bruyneel says they might as well win, people now take note.

Do you ever think of your life this way? In a book by Andy Stanley he talks about ministry; specifically clarifying the win. If we do not clarify the win in our ministry we may not know what we are working towards. Not only we will not be sure of what we are working towards, but we have no idea to know whether or not we succeeded in what we are doing.

A new mentor relationship I have with a young man in our church has brought this idea back to the surface for me. He in an incredible witness for Jesus, and has brought some people to a relationship with Christ in the last couple months. He has an incredible ability to initiate relationships and invite people to church. For me, it has been a breath of fresh air to sit in Sunday school with him while we teach new believers what it means to be a new Christian. One of the things him and I work out before each class is to determine “what the win” would be for the day. This last week, him being new at teaching in this setting, it was to relax and be himself. He did it! He focused on that in his preparation before the class got there, spent more time just helping everyone else relax and then he was able to. I was super proud of the way he handled himself and executed his plan.

We won’t win every time, but it we still should know what we are shooting for. What plan do you need to execute? Clarify a win with your wife? What does your wife need from you right now? Clarify a win for the holidays. Coming through with gifts and ideas for our family can be a big step in building a relationship or encouraging someone.

Counting on Our Vanity and Blindness

"Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans." John Lennon


"The core of Satan’s plan for each of us is not found in tempting us with obvious sins like shoplifting or illicit sex. These things he uses more as maintenance strategies. His grand tactic in separating us from our heart is to sneak in as the Storyteller through our fears and the wounds we have received from life’s Arrows. He weaves a story that becomes our particular “Message of the Arrows.” Counting on our vanity and blindness, he seduces us to try to control life by living in the smaller stories we all construct to one degree or another. He accuses God to us and us to God. He accuses us through the words of parents and friends and God himself. He calls good evil and evil good and always helps us question whether God has anything good in mind in his plans for us. He steals our innocence as children and replaces it with a blind naïveté or cynicism as adults.

At the same time Satan is at work reinterpreting our own individual stories in order to make God our enemy, he is also at work dismantling the Sacred Romance—the Larger Story God is telling—so that there is nothing visible to take our breath away. He replaces the love affair with a religious system of dos and don’ts that parches our hearts and replaces our worship and communion services with entertainment. Our experience of life deteriorates from the passion of a grand love affair, in the midst of a life-and-death battle, to an endless series of chores and errands, a busyness that separates us from God, each other, and even from our own thirstiness.

Part of Satan’s grand strategy of separating us from our heart, once Jesus has drawn us to an awareness of being his sons and daughters through believing faith, is to convince us that our heart’s desires are at core illegitimate. (The Sacred Romance, 107–9)"