by Bob A. Clifton
In the 2006 movie “Rescue Dawn” based on a true story of Dieter Dengler, you get a glimpse of what desire can be about. Dieter was a German born citizen that in a senseless act of bad coordinates and heavy cloud cover his town in Black Forest is bombed. In the midst of this bombing one of the diver fighter pilots flew within feet of his home. In a brief exchange of glares Dieter met eye to eye with the man flying the war plane. Something about that exchange from his third floor attic bedroom convinced Dieter that he wanted to be a fighter pilot.
Dieter moved to the United States not knowing any English and had very little money. Dieter learned English and became a Navy fighter pilot. In 1965, forty minutes into Dieters first flight over Lous in Vietnam he was shot down. This is where the true story or heroism begins. Interrogated and abused as a prisoner, Dieter never lost his spirit.
The scene that impacted me the most was many days into his capture by Vietnamese military he was talking to a fellow American in the prison. Both starved because of small rations of food looked miserable, until the American asked him why he became a Navy fighter pilot. All of the sudden Dieter lights up and tells the story of the German fighter pilots flying over his home. All hunger and resentment of his capture was lost as he retold the story of his desire! His desire to become a fighter pilot led to a great heroic story that is worth the watch.
Desire led me to be a counselor. Before I was a believer I dated a young lady who had a father that worked at Menninger’s and a mother that was a Social Worker. I sat and listened to countless stories for hours of counseling. I could not explain it but I was fascinated with counseling and what it had to offer someone trapped in a place mentally they don’t want to be. Sixteen years old and struggling with maintaining the maturity of a seven year old I thought no way! Sparing you of the ups and downs, at thirty two years old I graduated with a Masters Degree as a Marriage Family Therapist and a relationship with Jesus Christ that humbles me daily. God indeed wants us to have desire.
Desire flowed through Peter’s life. I have grown to relate to and appreciate Peter. Peter had more things to say in the bible than all of the other apostles put together. Often we find Peter in these crazy predicaments. Walking on water, bad fishing, and poor swordsmanship; seem to plague Peter from reaching the authentic Christian life. Maybe not? As I journey in my faith farther what is the essence of Peter’s ministry that I appreciate is his willingness to take risk. I get the idea that risk has a lot to do with desire.
In a early book by John Eldredge called “Desire” he says “we all know the dilemma of desire, how awful it feels to open our hearts to joy, only to have grief come in. They go together. We know that. What we don’t know is what to do with it, how to live in this world with desire so deep in us.” Anyone you know that has given up on their desire because of how many things have gone wrong in their life? Maybe there family did not raise them to think of desire as a noble quality of character. Maybe they were shamed when they explained what they desired. Do we hold out on forming relationships because they might be taken from us? How about love, do we refuse love because it has only hurt to love in the past?
I heard once that the modern day American church is a great place to warehouse Christians. Keep them comfortable and keep them from dreaming and the most effective strategy to keep the gospel from entering the world has been executed. What helped Dieter be the only American prisoner to escape from the north Vietnamese prison camps was his optimism and loyalty. I think we need to consider waking that optimism of the gospel up in our fellow believers. What do your brothers and sisters in Christ desire? What makes them come alive?
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
It's Okay To Ask
As i reflect back on the last, oh, seven year i know there have been several times when i've asked myself what's wrong with me? what is my purpose? am i really any closer to the Father? And because of my own personal nature, it's easily to quickly slump into deminishment; that i'm no better off or not a 'better' Christian. Why are there periods of time when i still struggle to cultivate that daily relationship with God?
The truth is, there is nothing wrong with that because i am asking those questions from a different stage or season in life. i AM a different man from the last time i asked. i'm not just lost in the woods, circling back to the camp site over and over. Gary Barkalow calls it spinning in circles, but in an upward spiral. i think of 'two steps forward and one step back' still keeps you moving forward. i hope that i'm making more progress than that - but you get my point. So it's alright to ask those questions again and again. it shows that you are focused on making sure you're heading in the right direction.
2 Corinthians 3:18 tells us that we are being transformed with ever increasing glory into God's likeness.
Slow and steady wins the race. we will never be complete in this life. we will never "arrive" in our current bodies. there is not going to be a time in our present lives that we'll have all the answers and all the clarity. 1 Corinthians 13:12 makes it clear that right now we see things imperfectly like looking into a poor mirror but one day we'll see things clearly. and then the most promising part of the verse, "All that i know now is partial and incomplete, but then i will know everything completely, just as God knows me know".
So it is perfectly fine to continue asking and seeking clarity from the Father. He tells us to do that in Luke 11... ask, seek, and knock, right? He wants to answer us. He wants to be found. He wants to open the door.
It's easy to get distracted when you've got the Enemy prowling around looking for any way to destroy us. It's easy to second guess our maturity progress. The Father is simply asking us to walk with Him. Stay close and He'll give you more and more clarity. Your calling and purpose with continue to fine tune. Right now i feel like i'm doing what God would have me to do. So when i ask Him what my purpose is... where am i suppose to be? That question is not coming from a lack of understanding; wandering in the dark. it's coming from a desire to fine tune the direction i'm taking; bringing into focus more of God's clarity.
Don't get taken out immediately the next time you find yourself asking, who am i? what is my place in this story? take some time to reflect on the last months or even years since you asked the last time. take those questions to the Father and let Him tell you. what you'll likely find is that you aren't circling the camp but are actually on a spiral path upward in your relationship with God. each time you ask, it is from a point of having a little more understanding and experience than you had the last time.
The truth is, there is nothing wrong with that because i am asking those questions from a different stage or season in life. i AM a different man from the last time i asked. i'm not just lost in the woods, circling back to the camp site over and over. Gary Barkalow calls it spinning in circles, but in an upward spiral. i think of 'two steps forward and one step back' still keeps you moving forward. i hope that i'm making more progress than that - but you get my point. So it's alright to ask those questions again and again. it shows that you are focused on making sure you're heading in the right direction.
2 Corinthians 3:18 tells us that we are being transformed with ever increasing glory into God's likeness.
Slow and steady wins the race. we will never be complete in this life. we will never "arrive" in our current bodies. there is not going to be a time in our present lives that we'll have all the answers and all the clarity. 1 Corinthians 13:12 makes it clear that right now we see things imperfectly like looking into a poor mirror but one day we'll see things clearly. and then the most promising part of the verse, "All that i know now is partial and incomplete, but then i will know everything completely, just as God knows me know".
So it is perfectly fine to continue asking and seeking clarity from the Father. He tells us to do that in Luke 11... ask, seek, and knock, right? He wants to answer us. He wants to be found. He wants to open the door.
It's easy to get distracted when you've got the Enemy prowling around looking for any way to destroy us. It's easy to second guess our maturity progress. The Father is simply asking us to walk with Him. Stay close and He'll give you more and more clarity. Your calling and purpose with continue to fine tune. Right now i feel like i'm doing what God would have me to do. So when i ask Him what my purpose is... where am i suppose to be? That question is not coming from a lack of understanding; wandering in the dark. it's coming from a desire to fine tune the direction i'm taking; bringing into focus more of God's clarity.
Don't get taken out immediately the next time you find yourself asking, who am i? what is my place in this story? take some time to reflect on the last months or even years since you asked the last time. take those questions to the Father and let Him tell you. what you'll likely find is that you aren't circling the camp but are actually on a spiral path upward in your relationship with God. each time you ask, it is from a point of having a little more understanding and experience than you had the last time.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Boyhood Initiation
by Bob A Clifton
The only thing I can tell you about initiation is fraternity life. Out of respect to the culture I will not share much about it besides what you know. What you know is that in order to be considered for this sacred brotherhood you have to go through a series of test to become a lifetime member. This was the first time in my life I ever worked hard to become a part of something bigger than myself. I memorized the founding fathers. I knew what dates were important for the history of the organization. I submitted myself to a series of, less than exciting, adventures with my pledge class all in the name of becoming a member. Part of me loved it. I loved working hard to be a part of this team of brothers.
For me childhood did not offer an initiation of sorts into manhood. I remember a couple talks my dad and I had. One of my favorites was after the break up of my sophomore girlfriend. This was the love of my life and I dedicated everything to her for three whole months. You know back then, three months seemed like a life time. Our break up came in a mysterious way. Something to the sort that she wanted to date other people over the summer to make sure that I was the one she wanted to marry. It sounded logical at the time. I also found out that her parents did not like me, which was a bigger part of the story. After revealing this to my dad he brought out the “Atta Boy Award”. This award pretty much said that you can do as many great things in life as you want to but one awe ____, and all that is erased and you are back to square one. Funny as it sounded I lived life like that for many years after.
In a recent book I finished called “The Purpose of Boys” I saw the idea of boyhood initiation. What is unique about this read was it being about the fourth book I have read in the last year talking about the idea of initiation. Recent books that have talked about this include: Raising a Modern Day Knight, Way of the Wild at Heart and Rite of Passage. Funny in America we do not have a practice of initiating boys. We are one of the only cultures in the world that does not have an initiation process for our men. So, is there anything lost in not having an initiation for boys into manhood? I believe we are missing a huge link in boys becoming men and taking responsibility for who they are and how they will engage society.
The book reflects on the story of Joseph in the bible. When can point to multiple parts of Joseph story and see how initiation was coming about as he was going through boyhood and on into manhood. Think about God opening Rachel’s womb so that she could bear Joseph. The story for a boy begins with being delighted in. One of the primary developmental processes for a boy is being enjoyed simply because he exists. Think about how the story progresses to him becoming a loved boy when his father provides a special coat for him. Joseph obviously has many more parts to his story, but think of the initiation and battles he had to fight to become the man he needed to be.
I think we have to start looking at this old tradition again as a part of our boy’s development. What exactly are boys being initiated into today. I know through reading statistics and research that your boy will learn about oral sex from a peer in his school at the age of 9 or 10. About this time he will have access to his first pornographic magazine. Probably prior to this age he will be introduced to pornographic images over the internet, usually by accident. So do you think being introduced to these things before dad has had an opportunity to provide him with truth will have an impact? Absolutely! Lucky me that my son is only five years old. I know right around the corner is going to be some tough conversations and I want to be the first to have them with him.
Quick thoughts this week include what you are thinking about how to initiate your boy and prepare him for the future. What are your plans?
The only thing I can tell you about initiation is fraternity life. Out of respect to the culture I will not share much about it besides what you know. What you know is that in order to be considered for this sacred brotherhood you have to go through a series of test to become a lifetime member. This was the first time in my life I ever worked hard to become a part of something bigger than myself. I memorized the founding fathers. I knew what dates were important for the history of the organization. I submitted myself to a series of, less than exciting, adventures with my pledge class all in the name of becoming a member. Part of me loved it. I loved working hard to be a part of this team of brothers.
For me childhood did not offer an initiation of sorts into manhood. I remember a couple talks my dad and I had. One of my favorites was after the break up of my sophomore girlfriend. This was the love of my life and I dedicated everything to her for three whole months. You know back then, three months seemed like a life time. Our break up came in a mysterious way. Something to the sort that she wanted to date other people over the summer to make sure that I was the one she wanted to marry. It sounded logical at the time. I also found out that her parents did not like me, which was a bigger part of the story. After revealing this to my dad he brought out the “Atta Boy Award”. This award pretty much said that you can do as many great things in life as you want to but one awe ____, and all that is erased and you are back to square one. Funny as it sounded I lived life like that for many years after.
In a recent book I finished called “The Purpose of Boys” I saw the idea of boyhood initiation. What is unique about this read was it being about the fourth book I have read in the last year talking about the idea of initiation. Recent books that have talked about this include: Raising a Modern Day Knight, Way of the Wild at Heart and Rite of Passage. Funny in America we do not have a practice of initiating boys. We are one of the only cultures in the world that does not have an initiation process for our men. So, is there anything lost in not having an initiation for boys into manhood? I believe we are missing a huge link in boys becoming men and taking responsibility for who they are and how they will engage society.
The book reflects on the story of Joseph in the bible. When can point to multiple parts of Joseph story and see how initiation was coming about as he was going through boyhood and on into manhood. Think about God opening Rachel’s womb so that she could bear Joseph. The story for a boy begins with being delighted in. One of the primary developmental processes for a boy is being enjoyed simply because he exists. Think about how the story progresses to him becoming a loved boy when his father provides a special coat for him. Joseph obviously has many more parts to his story, but think of the initiation and battles he had to fight to become the man he needed to be.
I think we have to start looking at this old tradition again as a part of our boy’s development. What exactly are boys being initiated into today. I know through reading statistics and research that your boy will learn about oral sex from a peer in his school at the age of 9 or 10. About this time he will have access to his first pornographic magazine. Probably prior to this age he will be introduced to pornographic images over the internet, usually by accident. So do you think being introduced to these things before dad has had an opportunity to provide him with truth will have an impact? Absolutely! Lucky me that my son is only five years old. I know right around the corner is going to be some tough conversations and I want to be the first to have them with him.
Quick thoughts this week include what you are thinking about how to initiate your boy and prepare him for the future. What are your plans?
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Mars and Venus, not so different
Today is Mother's Day. And I'm embarrassed to say, I probably failed today. I waited too long to order my wife's gift, so it hasn't yet arrived. Today, for Tracy, probably wasn't much different than any other day. She'd probably say that's okay, and she'd probably feel like she was being truthful. But I know different.
See, deep down men and women aren't so totally different. We both have core desires common to each of us. And the most basic is the need for validation. We guys have longed to know we were the beloved son and that we were (are) tough, the hero, that we have what it takes as a man. Similarly, women need to be delighted in. To be seen by their fathers as beautiful. They want to unveil their beauty. And to make the story really short, they have been wounded by their fathers in much the same way as we (men) have. They were not affirmed by, delighted in, or validated by their fathers. And from that period on was the long, sustained assault against her heart by the Enemy. Most women come to believe they no longer have a beauty to unveil. They don't believe they are worthy of being pursued. And they settle. Oh, how painful it is for me to think of how much of my wife's 'beauty' was disregarded by her father as a young girl. Continually overlooked as he gave his time and attention to her brothers; seldom if ever to her or her sister. A hard man, who I see clearly is a product of his own woundedness. When you've been in this message (Eldredge; Wild at Heart) a while, you see it so clearly in others.
But the woman; the woman... God's crowning achievement. She is the incarnation of the beauty of God. And Lucifer, once touted as beautiful and a 'model of perfection' (Ezekiel 28), fell because of that beauty and love of himself. Now Eve was the crowning jewel of creation - more than anything else in all creation, she embodies the glory of God. And Lucifer; Satan; the Enemy HATES that. She gives life through childbirth. She gives life to the world. The Enemy can't stand it! Who does the Enemy approach in the garden? Satan's first attack on the human race is upon the woman because she uniquely carries the glory of God to the world.
So, back to my original assumption... deep down I think Tracy had a desire to be special today. But the over riding feeling is that this is the way it should be - as it has been, in her eyes - she's nobody special - this is how life is for her. And men, I have to tell you, that pains me, deeply. I can't change the past. But I can certain strive to not wound her any more. I need to step up and be the one who delights in her. I should show her daily that she is special. The irony is that she is an amazing woman who clearly deserves better than me. But when her heart has been assaulted by the Enemy for years, as with most women, she has long lost sight of that.
For those of you men with spouses, or girlfriends, or hope to someday have a girlfriend or spouse, I'd recommend picking up "Captivating" by Stasi and John Eldredge. It's "Wild at Heart" for Women. It's one thing for us to have grown up with this humorous joke about 'men are from Mars, women are from Venus', or that we men are simply clueless about the mind of a woman. It would serve you well to take some time and learn what's truly going on in the heart of that woman. The wounds that she too has endured. The agreements she too has made. The dreams and desires she too has lost. Eve was the true embodiment of God's glory. She holds a special place, I believe, even above us men. Does your significant other believe that? Does she feel that from you? Don't let her know it one day a year. Find a way to show her everyday, in some way, any way, no matter how small, that she is special to you. That you see her beauty.
See, deep down men and women aren't so totally different. We both have core desires common to each of us. And the most basic is the need for validation. We guys have longed to know we were the beloved son and that we were (are) tough, the hero, that we have what it takes as a man. Similarly, women need to be delighted in. To be seen by their fathers as beautiful. They want to unveil their beauty. And to make the story really short, they have been wounded by their fathers in much the same way as we (men) have. They were not affirmed by, delighted in, or validated by their fathers. And from that period on was the long, sustained assault against her heart by the Enemy. Most women come to believe they no longer have a beauty to unveil. They don't believe they are worthy of being pursued. And they settle. Oh, how painful it is for me to think of how much of my wife's 'beauty' was disregarded by her father as a young girl. Continually overlooked as he gave his time and attention to her brothers; seldom if ever to her or her sister. A hard man, who I see clearly is a product of his own woundedness. When you've been in this message (Eldredge; Wild at Heart) a while, you see it so clearly in others.
But the woman; the woman... God's crowning achievement. She is the incarnation of the beauty of God. And Lucifer, once touted as beautiful and a 'model of perfection' (Ezekiel 28), fell because of that beauty and love of himself. Now Eve was the crowning jewel of creation - more than anything else in all creation, she embodies the glory of God. And Lucifer; Satan; the Enemy HATES that. She gives life through childbirth. She gives life to the world. The Enemy can't stand it! Who does the Enemy approach in the garden? Satan's first attack on the human race is upon the woman because she uniquely carries the glory of God to the world.
So, back to my original assumption... deep down I think Tracy had a desire to be special today. But the over riding feeling is that this is the way it should be - as it has been, in her eyes - she's nobody special - this is how life is for her. And men, I have to tell you, that pains me, deeply. I can't change the past. But I can certain strive to not wound her any more. I need to step up and be the one who delights in her. I should show her daily that she is special. The irony is that she is an amazing woman who clearly deserves better than me. But when her heart has been assaulted by the Enemy for years, as with most women, she has long lost sight of that.
For those of you men with spouses, or girlfriends, or hope to someday have a girlfriend or spouse, I'd recommend picking up "Captivating" by Stasi and John Eldredge. It's "Wild at Heart" for Women. It's one thing for us to have grown up with this humorous joke about 'men are from Mars, women are from Venus', or that we men are simply clueless about the mind of a woman. It would serve you well to take some time and learn what's truly going on in the heart of that woman. The wounds that she too has endured. The agreements she too has made. The dreams and desires she too has lost. Eve was the true embodiment of God's glory. She holds a special place, I believe, even above us men. Does your significant other believe that? Does she feel that from you? Don't let her know it one day a year. Find a way to show her everyday, in some way, any way, no matter how small, that she is special to you. That you see her beauty.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Wedding Bells
By Bob A Clifton
Got a chance to go to a wedding this weekend. It has been a while since I had the opportunity to see a wedding. Fantastic! Everyone was beautiful and the whole thing was pulled off perfectly. The reception was well attended with, I think, six different kinds of cake. Great food, plenty of smiles, beautiful Catholic church, wonderful music, and ladies crying…
Yes, ladies crying like you wouldn’t believe. As always the groomsmen arrived up front and then one by one the bridesmaids took their place. Everyone anticipating the moment when the bride comes down the isle and then all of the sudden water! Not the sound of water in the bathroom but tears from the bridesmaid, and tears with a lady standing right next to me. Not your everyday chicken soup tears, but real tears; almost what I would consider weeping. My first thought was, “how did she do that”? One moment everyone is smiling, the next moment crying. It was perplexing to the male soul.
Not to the ladies though. For ladies this day is written on the landscape of their heart for years before a man ever considers the option. After talking to ladies that I have counseled, friends of mine, my wife etc… The wedding day is probably the most anticipated day, next to having children. They can explain what the wedding dress looks like, their soon to be husband. They know the church, the songs that will play, bridesmaids, honeymoon and everything else in between. So when the bride comes walking down that isle, they already know how she must be feeling that day.
Men, this should remind us of one fact that you do not need a degree to understand. Women are different than men. Didn’t need a degree to figure that one out huh? More than that, their hearts are precious and different than ours. Where we spend a majority of our time figuring out what the next thing to conquer is, they are wandering how the prince will come rescue them. Young girls who do not get this kind of delight from their fathers go searching for it in boys. Young boys, old boys, it doesn’t really make a difference. Written on the heart of every woman and every young daughter is “do you delight in me.” You would be amazed to find out how many girls never had that question answered. So when a boy will delight in her because she is willing to give herself up, she’ll do it. Most the time, not because she wants to, but because she wants to be delighted in so much!
Two weeks ago my daughter declared that twelve of her stuffed dogs were going to celebrate their birthday on May 2nd. Don’t ask me why and don’t ask her why, she just wanted them to have a birthday. So for the low low price of $8.00 I went out the night before and picked up balloons, napkins and a cupcake. A little silly? Possibly. Did it have a huge impact on her. You better believe it! “Dad, did you do all of this for me.”
Men, what I am banking on is that her dad has delighted in her so much over the years and pointed to her heavenly father that loves her, so she will not need to go look for that affirmation from boys. Is it a guarantee? I wish! I would buy that insurance today. I do believe that scripture makes it clear that as he pursued his bride, the church, she felt more safety and comfort.
How does your wife and daughter need delighted in today?
Got a chance to go to a wedding this weekend. It has been a while since I had the opportunity to see a wedding. Fantastic! Everyone was beautiful and the whole thing was pulled off perfectly. The reception was well attended with, I think, six different kinds of cake. Great food, plenty of smiles, beautiful Catholic church, wonderful music, and ladies crying…
Yes, ladies crying like you wouldn’t believe. As always the groomsmen arrived up front and then one by one the bridesmaids took their place. Everyone anticipating the moment when the bride comes down the isle and then all of the sudden water! Not the sound of water in the bathroom but tears from the bridesmaid, and tears with a lady standing right next to me. Not your everyday chicken soup tears, but real tears; almost what I would consider weeping. My first thought was, “how did she do that”? One moment everyone is smiling, the next moment crying. It was perplexing to the male soul.
Not to the ladies though. For ladies this day is written on the landscape of their heart for years before a man ever considers the option. After talking to ladies that I have counseled, friends of mine, my wife etc… The wedding day is probably the most anticipated day, next to having children. They can explain what the wedding dress looks like, their soon to be husband. They know the church, the songs that will play, bridesmaids, honeymoon and everything else in between. So when the bride comes walking down that isle, they already know how she must be feeling that day.
Men, this should remind us of one fact that you do not need a degree to understand. Women are different than men. Didn’t need a degree to figure that one out huh? More than that, their hearts are precious and different than ours. Where we spend a majority of our time figuring out what the next thing to conquer is, they are wandering how the prince will come rescue them. Young girls who do not get this kind of delight from their fathers go searching for it in boys. Young boys, old boys, it doesn’t really make a difference. Written on the heart of every woman and every young daughter is “do you delight in me.” You would be amazed to find out how many girls never had that question answered. So when a boy will delight in her because she is willing to give herself up, she’ll do it. Most the time, not because she wants to, but because she wants to be delighted in so much!
Two weeks ago my daughter declared that twelve of her stuffed dogs were going to celebrate their birthday on May 2nd. Don’t ask me why and don’t ask her why, she just wanted them to have a birthday. So for the low low price of $8.00 I went out the night before and picked up balloons, napkins and a cupcake. A little silly? Possibly. Did it have a huge impact on her. You better believe it! “Dad, did you do all of this for me.”
Men, what I am banking on is that her dad has delighted in her so much over the years and pointed to her heavenly father that loves her, so she will not need to go look for that affirmation from boys. Is it a guarantee? I wish! I would buy that insurance today. I do believe that scripture makes it clear that as he pursued his bride, the church, she felt more safety and comfort.
How does your wife and daughter need delighted in today?
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