Have her back by 10:00

By Shawn Martin

A great weekend is coming to a close. My church's yearly mens retreat was friday evening to Saturday noon. It's always a great time. This year we had a team event called a 'mantathlon' and the team i was on, the Chest Hairs, took first! The massive steaks we have on the Friday night are amazing.

After the camp out i went home to get ready for my son's football game and i was somewhat anxious. Not about the game but who i was meeting at the game. It was my daughter's new boyfriend. man, do i not wanna deal with this. I would love for all my kids to be focused only on acedemics all through school (including college) before they tread the murky and painful waters of romantic relationships. And she's already had her share of heartache. Unfortunately i was right about each of them from the start. Teenage boys haven't changed in the 20 years since i was one and i knew all the games and angles. So i don't think she could bring any guy home that i wasn't convinced just wanted to get in her pants.

But back to the story. She told me a week ago her boyfriend wanted to meet me so i decided to make it a family afair. invite them both to her brother's football game then home for pizza. i ended up having to hold one of the first down markers during the game, but i half time i went and shook his hand. He had a good grip. that was a plus. back at home we kept it light and humorous. i have to admit, i also wanted him to apporve of us; think we were cool.

After some small talk they left. it wasn't more than a couple minutes later that my daughter 'texted' me, "Do you like him?" It was so important for me not to 'over protect' her like i had done the previous boys i knew were after one thing. emotional protecting turned into lecturing about how dad knows how it's going to play out.

in his book, She Calls Me Daddy, Robert Wolgemuth speaks to interviewing dates/potential suitors. i have non-residential joint custody of my daughter so i didn't have the opportunity to have the physical influence i wanted with her 'dating', but had, i'd do it like Wolgemuth. All boys were interviewed by him. He gives a fantastic story of one such interview in the book; quite humorous too. But joking aside, "This is an intimate thing between you and her. She's trusting you by 'letting' you talk to her boyfriends. Don't abuse that priviledge. Remember this interview is not about your approval of your daughters choice in boys. Every boy passes your inspection, regardless. (Gulp.) The very fact that the interview is going to take place will have a sorting affect by itself."

Back up! EVERY boy passes? That's a hard pill to swallow. But i knew the way i 'told you so' to previous boyfriends had little positive effect. So i sized the new boyfriend up in my mind, but spoke none of it to her. he actually seemed like a 'good kid' anyway. and though i knew, as a 17-year-old boy, he will have sex on his mind... i had 'the talk' with my daughter and periodically the subject comes up. there's nothing knew i can tell her. she knows what's right and where i stand. i have to trust that she will make the right choices. hopefully she will, but if she doesn't...i'll still love her and support her. that's what it's about anyway. pouring into her life and giving her no doubt of her personal worth and beauty. The more you do that, the less you have to worry about boys. she'll respect herself too much to settle for less.