Repair

by Bob A Clifton

Unlike any position I have been in since high school I have some older vehicles. My wife and I, in attempts to break out our Dave Ramsey skills on our budget, have taken to not having the newest toys. For this reason we have two cars with high mileage and my mower I own for my mowing business is struggling along this year. Something I have been pretty uncomfortable with in the past is maintenance. I have always taken the road that I would rather have a payment instead of a broken down car on the side of the road. This has brought many opportunities of repair. My most recent repairs included the tailgate on my truck, a couple boards that were busted on our deck, and a window in our home. Pretty cool that when I repaired these things it made me feel great. Kind of like an accomplishment if you will.

Did you know that relationships are no different? Relationships need repair. Recently a friend and myself attended a workshop that talks about attachment to children. In order to keep good attachment with children, and for any other important relationship, is to repair the relationship when it is broken. Watch this!

Whenever we experience conflict with someone we have a break in the relationship. One of the biggest predictors of marital success is how that relationship is fixed after conflict. What happens after the argument? Typically you will hear of people fighting and then they don’t talk for two or three days, and then everything seems to be fine. But it is not! It is really not fine! When there is no repair in the relationship there is a minor, and sometimes major, break in the relationship. You may not even notice for years because the incidents seem so minor. Add ten years of minor breaks up and all the sudden you have two people that aren’t as open with each other. Make that twenty years and now maybe they don’t share the same bed anymore. In thirty years, and the kids are gone, they may find out they don’t even know each other anymore. This lack of repair sets up a perfect scenario for that relationship to not exist.

This happened with my daughter last week. Dad was tired and in no place to deal with drama. Drama got up out of bed a couple times because she could not fall asleep. My daughter could see that I was frustrated with her and started apologizing for not being able to sleep. A break in the relationship occurred. Dad was upset and could not be there for her since her situation seemed silly for her age. Knowing there was a break in the relationship I called her on my way to work the next morning. I needed to repair the break that took place for us the night before. It is two easy words to say that seem to struggle coming out of our mouth. “I’m sorry.” I think when we apologize and admit fault it takes some transparency and vulnerability. It is hard to be wrong; but it is critical to fess up when we are.

Similar to repairing my home and cars, I feel a sense of accomplishment when I repair an important relationship. I love to enjoy the company of my family and friends without a rift in the relationship. I know Satan uses this all the time to set couples, families, and churches against each other. He is sly enough to not cause division after one conversation, but usually after many. He is patient and will allow us to think that the conflict is all better if it does not come up again. Know that it is there and know the bible has made it clear not to go to sleep without taking care of the conflict we have.

Any relationships in your life that need some repair? How do you need to go after that this week?

Family Vacation

by Shawn Martin

Just got back from vacation today. The 'fam' and I just spent the last 5 days in Colorado!! Boy does my heart come alive there, men. It's my selfish desire that the Father will bring me there someday, permanently. As such, the last 5 days were less than 'ideal' for me. We were in Colorado, in a cabin, in the woods, secluded from much, as a FAMILY. With my camera in hand, I could spend all day, alone, snapping shots of God's beautiful creation. Telling the kids to be quiet so as not to scare away the deer, elk, squirrels, etc. It was a daily choice to will myself to enter their world and enjoy them as opposed to trying to keep them out of mine. The first night at the cabin I asked my son to say the prayer before eating, out on the deck, near sunset, next to the hot tub... oops. i got sidetracked again. But seriously, my son's prayer consisted of thanking God for giving us this awesome vacation to this awesome place, etc.

I knew this kind of vacation is right up my son's alley. He'd be right there with me out in the wilderness. The girls - that's another story. They wanted to shop. To even suggest that we actually stay AT the cabin the entire time would not have been well received. So, you compromise. We spent the days in 'town'; colorado springs, manitou springs, Royal Gorge, etc, and the evenings at the cabin. We all got something we liked. I still managed to snap about 400 pictures.

Another mindset I changed - for the first time - was the need to get to where we were going on time, or better yet, ahead of time. I'd get upset when we had to make an extra bathroom stop... AGAIN. I didn't do any of that this time and guess what? It was a much more enjoyable drive. All those years of stress and resentment cause we couldn't make a nonstop drive for four or twelve hours straight. ha!

It was good for me to lighten up this last week. I wasn't perfect by any means gentlemen. I struggled with my need to control my surroundings (ie. control my kids' behavior), but I made some great progress and reaped the benefits of it. I was able to enjoy Colorado with my family instead of just enjoying Colorado.

So for this blog I'm not offering encouragement, or insight as we typically try to do. I just wanted to share alittle about me and how i'm just like anyone else. This 'walking with God' thing doesn't make me any better off than the next guy. It's tough. It's hard. I'm still in my infancy as it relates to leaving behind the legalism and learning to love and be loved by the Father. It's worth the fight and hard work for sure. I'm in it for the long haul and I hope you are too.

Have a great week men!

I Can't Go There

by Bob A Clifton

By the time you are reading this it is a month past. I have had some heavy things on my mind, so I blogged about them in advance of the date you are reading these. One of those things was a particular bible passage I ended up in for my quiet time this morning. The passage is Luke 18:34. The passage reads like this in the New Testament:

The disciples did not understand any of this. Its meaning was hidden from them, and they did not know what he was talking about.

Back up a few verses and we see the backdrop for this revelation. Jesus and the disciples are in the midst of ministry. Jesus just got through telling a rich man that it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven. What appears to be a brief break in the midst of much ministry, Jesus shares a truth with only the disciples. He explains to them that we are on our way to Jerusalem and the Son of Man will be turned over, beaten, and then killed.

I really struggled with this verse this morning. When you look at parallel references to this verse, no other verse explains these truths as being “hidden” from the disciples. More or less, other scripture references say they did not understand what in the world he was talking about. Well why?

I ended up in a conversation with a friend this week that seems similar to this situation. Some things had unfolded in a close relationship of theirs. Some things were said, some gossip was spread, and now he is hearing it from a 3^rd, 4^th, and 5^th person. Not good! The way they explained it to me was “I am really angry at this person”. Problem is my friend struggles with confronting people. What I explained as standing up for a little of who they are. When I brought up the idea of saying something to the person that created the offense you could see the sirens going off in their head. No way!

Just like the disciples in Luke, my friend was not in a place to hear what God may want them to do. They prayed, but in the midst of the prayer had already formulated an action plan that would keep confrontation out of the picture. In the book I was talking about in my previous blog, it said that we spend half of our time learning how not to fear and the other half learning to unwind what we already fear. When we fear, do you really think we hear God and what he is trying to say to us?

Not that I have an answer, but it definitely made me think about what is hidden from me because I choose not to go there. Most of the commentaries on this verse say that the disciples were so focused on the God’s glory; they didn’t even see that suffering would be a part of that mix. Like I said before, I can’t speak as an expert on this, but I know some of the things that have helped pull things into the light in my past that I was trying to keep tucked away.

1. Do you have a good friend? Not just someone that listens to you, but someone that gets in your business. These friends are tough to find. I have been enjoyed this kind of relationship with a good friend of mine in Lawrence for a couple years now. Calls my life to the carpet all of the time. I thought that kind of friend would be painful, but it has turned out to be a cool drink of water in a desert like world. I have recently been enjoying that same friendship with a guy in Topeka. We get together once a week and let our kids play in the park while we dig into each other’s lives in open and transparent ways. I have enjoyed his boldness and willingness to speak truth to me in my tough places.

2. Do you read your bible? I mean do you open up scripture in anticipation of what God will want to share? Daily intake is critical in this area. To take in scripture one time a week or month will not give the Father enough room to speak in ways he may want to come after you; meaning go after your heart. If you struggle knowing where to get started, pick up a bible reading plan. They are in the front or back of most bibles. If not there check out the internet, you will find plenty.

3. Prayer. Not the prayer you can jabber while driving down the road for 10 miles not even knowing what you might have said. Prayer like asking God to open up places in your heart that you have shut him out. I like to ask God if there is anything he may wants to say this part of me.

I struggled with this verse this morning because hiding things is a coping mechanism for people that do not have anyone to trust. If you are a believer in Jesus Christ, and have asked him to come into your heart then you can trust Him. He will go after things in your heart that you may not want to have anything to do with. He may reveal things that you do not want to hear. Just remember, since we have a loving Father he is not here to punish us, but to grow us up. Let him speak whatever he wants to say and then go after those parts that he brings up. Step down into the pit and face the mental lion in your life.

Hearing from God

by Shawn Martin

Over the last many months i've been having a reoccuring themed dream. I won't tell you specifics here, but it's a good dream. It speaks to my heart's desire. Sometimes it's content is more vague than others but last night it was quite vivid and the 'best' one so far. I know 'what' the dream is about for the most part, but I don't know what the 'meaning' is.

So I'm on my way to church this morning. I'm praying in the car and at the end, the dream comes to mind. I'm just down the road from church and I begin to wonder if God speaks through dreams. I'm reminded of some Old Testament scriptures regarding God speaking through dreams, so I know he DID. But I ask to myself, does God STILL speak through dreams. And what I'm really fishing for is whether or not He is speaking through these dreams i'm having. So i'm indirectly asking the Father about my dream(s). He knows my heart's longing.

I get to church, sing some good worship songs, learn a new one, take communion and the Pastor steps up to begin the message. Today we start a new series that begins with Genesis 37. You know what the title of chapter 37 is.... "Joseph's Dreams". Clearly the Father is answering my question. I smile inside. I could dwel on the still 'unknown meaning' of my dream -but I simply enjoy the 'warm fuzzy' that is God showing me he hears me.

I have many stories like this and i hope you do too.

When it comes to hearing from God, we have to start with the assumption (reality) that He still speaks; in a conversational way. It is not reserved for the elite or devout; the Moses', Davids, Pauls or Jesus himself. And it's not just Old Testament stuff. In John 16:12 Jesus is telling the Disciples He has much more to say to them - more than they could then bear. He would be speaking to them through the Holy Spirit later on after he leaves them. This is just one passage - New Testament - that reveals Jesus and God the Father want to speak to us; LONG to speak to us; each and every one of us, still.

Secondly we have to believe that it is ours to hear his voice. He wants to speak to each and every one of us. John 10 speaks of the Shepherd and his sheep. He calls the sheep and they know his voice; hear his voice, and follow him. Jesus speaks to us. Not just to the Billy Grahams or other spiritual leaders.

Once you realize the first two fundamentals, what's left is to begin to tune into your heart. That's where Jesus is, right? Ephesians 3:17 - Jesus dwells in our hearts by faith. We ask him to come into our hearts when we 'accept Christ'. That's where he speaks to us. We don't audibly hear him. He is not an external voice in the room. The voice comes from inside us, within our heart.

That's the foundation to hearing from God. And unless He has something else in mind for me to talk about in two weeks, i'll continue on with what's next. 'Okay, i believe He still speaks. I believe He speaks to me. So now i've gotta tune into my heart - how do I do that?!' I hope to discuss that next time.