Mars and Venus, not so different

Today is Mother's Day. And I'm embarrassed to say, I probably failed today. I waited too long to order my wife's gift, so it hasn't yet arrived. Today, for Tracy, probably wasn't much different than any other day. She'd probably say that's okay, and she'd probably feel like she was being truthful. But I know different.

See, deep down men and women aren't so totally different. We both have core desires common to each of us. And the most basic is the need for validation. We guys have longed to know we were the beloved son and that we were (are) tough, the hero, that we have what it takes as a man. Similarly, women need to be delighted in. To be seen by their fathers as beautiful. They want to unveil their beauty. And to make the story really short, they have been wounded by their fathers in much the same way as we (men) have. They were not affirmed by, delighted in, or validated by their fathers. And from that period on was the long, sustained assault against her heart by the Enemy. Most women come to believe they no longer have a beauty to unveil. They don't believe they are worthy of being pursued. And they settle. Oh, how painful it is for me to think of how much of my wife's 'beauty' was disregarded by her father as a young girl. Continually overlooked as he gave his time and attention to her brothers; seldom if ever to her or her sister. A hard man, who I see clearly is a product of his own woundedness. When you've been in this message (Eldredge; Wild at Heart) a while, you see it so clearly in others.

But the woman; the woman... God's crowning achievement. She is the incarnation of the beauty of God. And Lucifer, once touted as beautiful and a 'model of perfection' (Ezekiel 28), fell because of that beauty and love of himself. Now Eve was the crowning jewel of creation - more than anything else in all creation, she embodies the glory of God. And Lucifer; Satan; the Enemy HATES that. She gives life through childbirth. She gives life to the world. The Enemy can't stand it! Who does the Enemy approach in the garden? Satan's first attack on the human race is upon the woman because she uniquely carries the glory of God to the world.

So, back to my original assumption... deep down I think Tracy had a desire to be special today. But the over riding feeling is that this is the way it should be - as it has been, in her eyes - she's nobody special - this is how life is for her. And men, I have to tell you, that pains me, deeply. I can't change the past. But I can certain strive to not wound her any more. I need to step up and be the one who delights in her. I should show her daily that she is special. The irony is that she is an amazing woman who clearly deserves better than me. But when her heart has been assaulted by the Enemy for years, as with most women, she has long lost sight of that.

For those of you men with spouses, or girlfriends, or hope to someday have a girlfriend or spouse, I'd recommend picking up "Captivating" by Stasi and John Eldredge. It's "Wild at Heart" for Women. It's one thing for us to have grown up with this humorous joke about 'men are from Mars, women are from Venus', or that we men are simply clueless about the mind of a woman. It would serve you well to take some time and learn what's truly going on in the heart of that woman. The wounds that she too has endured. The agreements she too has made. The dreams and desires she too has lost. Eve was the true embodiment of God's glory. She holds a special place, I believe, even above us men. Does your significant other believe that? Does she feel that from you? Don't let her know it one day a year. Find a way to show her everyday, in some way, any way, no matter how small, that she is special to you. That you see her beauty.