Boyhood Initiation

by Bob A Clifton

The only thing I can tell you about initiation is fraternity life. Out of respect to the culture I will not share much about it besides what you know. What you know is that in order to be considered for this sacred brotherhood you have to go through a series of test to become a lifetime member. This was the first time in my life I ever worked hard to become a part of something bigger than myself. I memorized the founding fathers. I knew what dates were important for the history of the organization. I submitted myself to a series of, less than exciting, adventures with my pledge class all in the name of becoming a member. Part of me loved it. I loved working hard to be a part of this team of brothers.
For me childhood did not offer an initiation of sorts into manhood. I remember a couple talks my dad and I had. One of my favorites was after the break up of my sophomore girlfriend. This was the love of my life and I dedicated everything to her for three whole months. You know back then, three months seemed like a life time. Our break up came in a mysterious way. Something to the sort that she wanted to date other people over the summer to make sure that I was the one she wanted to marry. It sounded logical at the time. I also found out that her parents did not like me, which was a bigger part of the story. After revealing this to my dad he brought out the “Atta Boy Award”. This award pretty much said that you can do as many great things in life as you want to but one awe ____, and all that is erased and you are back to square one. Funny as it sounded I lived life like that for many years after.
In a recent book I finished called “The Purpose of Boys” I saw the idea of boyhood initiation. What is unique about this read was it being about the fourth book I have read in the last year talking about the idea of initiation. Recent books that have talked about this include: Raising a Modern Day Knight, Way of the Wild at Heart and Rite of Passage. Funny in America we do not have a practice of initiating boys. We are one of the only cultures in the world that does not have an initiation process for our men. So, is there anything lost in not having an initiation for boys into manhood? I believe we are missing a huge link in boys becoming men and taking responsibility for who they are and how they will engage society.
The book reflects on the story of Joseph in the bible. When can point to multiple parts of Joseph story and see how initiation was coming about as he was going through boyhood and on into manhood. Think about God opening Rachel’s womb so that she could bear Joseph. The story for a boy begins with being delighted in. One of the primary developmental processes for a boy is being enjoyed simply because he exists. Think about how the story progresses to him becoming a loved boy when his father provides a special coat for him. Joseph obviously has many more parts to his story, but think of the initiation and battles he had to fight to become the man he needed to be.
I think we have to start looking at this old tradition again as a part of our boy’s development. What exactly are boys being initiated into today. I know through reading statistics and research that your boy will learn about oral sex from a peer in his school at the age of 9 or 10. About this time he will have access to his first pornographic magazine. Probably prior to this age he will be introduced to pornographic images over the internet, usually by accident. So do you think being introduced to these things before dad has had an opportunity to provide him with truth will have an impact? Absolutely! Lucky me that my son is only five years old. I know right around the corner is going to be some tough conversations and I want to be the first to have them with him.
Quick thoughts this week include what you are thinking about how to initiate your boy and prepare him for the future. What are your plans?